So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
