Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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