This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
