HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
