There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
