i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
