either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
