he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
