Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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