He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize