shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
