Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
