i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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