She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
