so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
