Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
