let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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