why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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