The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
