No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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