Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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