shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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