i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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