i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
