THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
