I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
