after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize