sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
