True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
