just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize