Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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