If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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