is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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