Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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