billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
