I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
