I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
