I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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