it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
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