guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
