I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
