wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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