If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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