I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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