so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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