I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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