I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
