i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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