I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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