Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize