and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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