VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
