I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Terrible idea I love it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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