she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
