If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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