can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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