Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
