It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
