I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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