Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize