woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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