have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
