Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
