There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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