I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
