South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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