theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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