You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
