The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
